Hanuman

Some fat guy near my house is espousing the wonders of technology. Familiar. I go next door. I try to knock, but find myself barging into the house. Maybe it's a place where I'm comfortable and I barged in out of habit? I don't feel comfortable? There's an old woman and a little girl, even younger than me. The girl wants a cute Pokemon. Enough of that drivel. Maybe the elder will have something germane to say. She tells me that the Pokemon Professor returned to the next town over, and that he'd been gone for four years. If that's Rowan, this is useful information indeed. I shall spare this woman's life if possible. The television is saying something about fashion, then it throws a tidbit of wisdom at me: electric-type moves are not effective against electric Pokemon. Now I remember why I've always hated the device. Getting useful information from a television is an arduous trek through a wasteland of inane babble. Enough of this. Slave can't be here. Time to go.

A woman standing behind my house tells me that it's true that wild Pokemon do attack people sometimes. Yeah, I knew that. Go away. She probably knows about my goals. I'll probably have to kill her later. I enter the house behind mine, much in the same manner as I did the other house. Apparently that's how I operate. There's a guy in the house, but it's not Slave. He knows about Slave though, and notes that Slave and I are close comrades. Everyone seems to think so, but I don't believe them. I try to open the guy's drawers, but they don't budge. Curiously, he doesn't react either. Time to go. I reach a crossroads. The sign reads, "Twinleaf Town: Fresh and Free!" So that's where I live? Twinleaf Town? It looks like it only has four houses. That doesn't really constitute a town. Whatever. The mailbox on the last house does indeed have a "Slave's House" label. Good place to look for Slave, I bet.

I go to barge in like I always do, but before I can open the door, someone else from inside does and he runs right into me. Maniac. Oh wait, it's Slave. My dear friend, Slave. He tells me he's going to the lake, and that I must go too and hurry. If I'm late, he'll fine me a million dollars. All right dude, I'm the master and you're the slave. You can't levy fines, but whatever. He runs back inside. Should I follow him? I'm tired of this town. Time to go.

I come across a man standing in Slave's backyard for some reason, telling me that Slave was looking for me. Way ahead of you, there. Why's he standing behind Slave's house? Spying on Slave's mom? He's probably some sort of pervert. I'll probably have to kill him. Does Slave even live with his mom? I think so. I suppose I can check. I walk into Slave's house. His mother greets me...

"Oh, hi, Master. Are you looking for Slave? He was gone for a second, but then he came running right back home. He just can't sit still, that boy. I wonder who he takes after?"

His father, probably. The woman seems glued to the spot where she stands. I doubt the creep outside is actually spying on her. Maybe he's after Slave. I'd better go warn him. I deduce that, like me, Slave probably lives upstairs. Ascending the staircase, I confirm my suspicion. Slave is at his computer. He sees me and tells me that he'll fine me ten million dollars if I'm late to the lake. Then runs past me. I follow him, but for some reason, I am incapable of running. Slave's mother comments that he rocketed off as usual and is probably at Route 201 by now. Great. I have no idea where that is. She also says that she doesn't know who he takes after. It's his father, woman. I'm telling you. The boy takes after his father.

Route 201 is just north of our "town." Slave asks if I saw the report on TV. He reasons that since they were looking for a mysterious Pokemon in a lake, Our local lake must also harbor a mysterious Pokemon. That is the worst abuse of human cognition I've ever encountered. No wonder I hang out with this kid!

There's tall grass to the east, so I can't go that way. We head west and I find a sign informing me that Lake Verity is ahead. We approach the lake, but two people are already there, hiding in the tall grass. Lovers? I become uneasy and move to leave, but Slave wants to stay. They're conversing. I feel like I'm eavesdropping. And then I notice that one of them looks an awful lot like Professor Rowan. Could it be he? They come our way and pass by us. Slave and I move out of the way to let them pass. It really did look like Professor Rowan. The other one was a girl about my age. His granddaughter? Something seems odd about this. Slave thinks so too, but quickly loses interest and wants to check something out—in the tall grass. I remind him not to go in the tall grass. He says, "No problem" and "We won't be in there long enough for a wild Pokemon to come out."I protest, but he drags me in anyway. And why? Because there's a briefcase in the tall grass. He thinks the people we just saw forgot it. Well, we'd better return it then. Before I can comment, some birds fly at us.

We are being attacked by wild Pokemon, just as I've been warned about a few times. But the briefcase contains Poke Balls. And Slave says we can battle using them. How fortuitous. How unlikely. How awesome! I grab the ball in the middle and hurl it at the bird attacking me. The ball opens up and flies back to me, but from it emerges a little monkey with its tail on fire! I tell the monkey to attack the bird. He scratches the bird with his claws. The bird growls back. The monkey seems to wait for my instructions, so I encourage him to continue with his claws, which he does. The bird is defeated. This is quite possibly the best thing I've ever seen.

Slave was battling his own avian foe, although I didn't see what he used. He proclaims that "my Chimchar" totally rocked. Chimchar? Is that the name of the creature? Then he boasts, "But my Piplup was way tougher than yours." Piplup? Just then, the girl who was with Professor Rowan dashes back, frantic that she forgot the briefcase. She sees that we used the Poke Balls we're holding and becomes even more upset, but doesn't try to take them back. Then she runs away. Slave wants to do likewise.

We leave Lake Verity. Slave admits that we must return the Pokemon we have, since they're not ours. What a pity. I want to keep this monkey. But a conflict with Professor Rowan would be ill-advised. We'll see. Professor Rowan approaches me and speaks...

"I heard from Dawn that you used our Pokemon. Let me see them, please. Hm...Chimchar and Piplup...Hmm...I see...That's how it is..."

Oh? That's how it is, huh? He turns back to the girl. Apparently her name is Dawn. He tells her that he's going back to his lab. Dawn tells us that we should visit the lab, then rushes to follow Professor Rowan. That makes sense to me, but Slave wants to go home. Before I can debate the matter with him, everything goes dark. And then I'm back at home. Just when I thought this world had stopped playing tricks on me, but such is the story of my life.

I seem to be in the middle of a conversation with Mom. And it seems that I just told her what happened. She tells me that should visit Professor Rowan in Sandgem Town. If the world would let me, Mom, I would. I'd have done it already. She gives me running shoes. As soon as I put them on, I feel like I can run. How does that work? Forget it. I run. And then I'm interrupted. I seem to have run into tall grass. A wild Pokemon attacks me. It looks like a gopher. Well, my monkey should take care of this. He scratches the gopher, but gets tackled by it in the process. Uh oh. They exchange blows again, and once more. The gopher is out, but my poor monkey looks hurt.

I can turn back or press on. If the monkey is incapacitated, I'll have no defense against birds or gophers or whatever other horrors this tall grass contains. But I'm starting to hate Twinleaf Town and there's no other way to go. So I push on, to the east. I mean two people along the road. One of them tells me about the wild Pokemon in the tall grass. A popular topic. The second tells me that my Pokemon can be healed by resting at home. That's nice, but I have no intention of doing so. I dash through the tall grass without encountering any more wild Pokemon. Some dork at the end points out that I can jump down the ledge next to him to get to Twinleaf Town. Again, I do not wish to return there. I'd rather push him off the ledge.

Just as I reach Sandgem Town, Dawn accosts me and brings me to the nearby building. She says that the Professor is waiting for me there. Before we can enter, Slave runs into me and babbles some nonsense that Dawn and I both ignore. Professor Rowan, after briefly deliberating, decides that the Chimchar I've been carrying seems happy with me. He wants to give the Chimchar to me! Excellent. A Pokemon of my own. And I can name him whatever I want.

"Chimchar" is taxonomically inaccurate. The "char" makes sense because this guy does have a fiery tail. But he's no chimpanzee. He needs a good monkey name. I hesitate for a time, then decide on "Hanuman.

My moment of glee is interrupted by the Professor stating that he has a task for me. He want me to take a cataloging device called a "Pokedex" and collect data on Pokemon using it. Dare I refuse? Actually, it doesn't matter. This device may be useful to me. I'll do it. The Professor goes on about how many Pokemon there are and thrills or something. I don't care. Dawn informs me that the first Pokemon she ever used was Turtwig and that she works on this Pokedex project too. I leave the laboratory, and Dawn approaches me again. She's persistent.

"OK, Master, I'll act as your mentor. I've got a bit more experience than you as a Trainer and as the professor's assistant. OK, follow me!"

I'll humor her. My Hanuman can best her Turtwig any time. She shows me some buildings. A Poke Center and a Poke Mart. Whatever. Then she wants me to let my family know what I'll be up to. Don't I have school or something?

I bring Hanuman to the Poke Center. They put his Poke Ball on a machine that glows and he is fully healed by this somehow. Uncanny. And also free. Well now, that is useful. Maybe Dawn isn't so bad after all...