Hearthome City

As soon as I enter Hearthome City, a Buneary runs up to me. I am not used to encountering wild pokemon in cities. I am about do the people of this city a favor and dispose of the lagomorph menace with a well-placed rock smash, but a woman runs up and thanks me for stopping her Buneary. Oh. Her name is Keira and she says some other insignificant thing, then leaves.

The people of this city are a little strange. Some guy talks about how I can either challenge the gym or the contest hall. Who cares about contests? My mother is into that nonsense. I am a hot-blooded young male. I am most certainly not a middle-aged woman. Get away from me. A man from some place called Hoenn wants to show me the contest hall. I do not care about the contest hall. I will not enter it. I do not like the contest hall. Go away. A woman complains that the baby in her stroller is getting heavier all the time. I walk briskly away. Someone else mentions that a water stone made her pokemon evolve. That actually does not annoy me. She must be from out of town.

I see a building that looks like a cathedral. Interesting. Perhaps religion is the explanation for this city's strangeness. The people in this cathedral are unsurprisingly dull. One thing is perplexing though. And that's the quiet. No, really. I feel as though I have been hearing music of some sort during every waking hour of this adventure. The music shifts. It is different in battle than it is outside of battle and different in a city than out on the road. But here, silence. Even though there is nothing to like about this place, I pause for a moment and relish the silence. Enough of this. I exit.

Someone named "Mr. Goods" says that he will find something rare for me later. Yeah, sure. A hiker says that he walked with his Pachirisu in Amity Square. Then I find the gate to what is apparently this "Amity Square." But when I try to enter the square, I am stopped by a gatekeeper...

"In Amity Square, you may go for a stroll with a cute pokemon. The permitted pokemon are Pikachu, Clefairy, Psyduck, Pachirisu, Happiny, Buneary, and Drifloon. Please do come back with one!"

Madness. How is my little Apsu not just the cutest thing ever? Well, "little" he might not be, since he weighs over 500 pounds. But he is cute! I leave Amity Square in disgust. Someone in the Poke Center informs me that the local gym leader is a chicken or something and is not around right now. Oh well. I did not have gym badges in mind right now anyway. I barge into a nearby house, because that's what I do. A woman working at a computer greets me...

"Oh, Hiya! You're a trainer. That means you're using Pokemon Boxes! I love meeting end users! Oh, what's up? Why that astonished look? Oh, right, sorry! There I go running my mouth again! My name's Bebe! You know the Pokemon Boxes? I'm the system administrator!"

So she's "someone"?

"My buddy Bill developed the basic storage system. I tinkered with it here and there to make it easier for me to use."

She wants to talk shop here and I have things to do, so I bid her good day and barge into another building. The people living here talk about pokemon like everyone else, but it becomes apparent that this is some sort of commune. Creepy. There are no stairs, just an elevator. An old woman on the second floor says that it's because having no stairs makes it easier for little pokemon to get around. That's cool. We'll see what the fire marshal has to say about it once I find him.

Someone was given the HM for a move called "strength" at a "Lost Tower." I take note of this, although why the guy would call the tower "lost" if he was there, I do not know. The gym is open, but the leader is indeed absent. A man outside the gym brags about how well he will do in contests, so I quickly leave. Another building with an elevator and no stairs. Maybe this place has no fire code? People talk about contests, which I still want nothing to do with. A woman on the second story gives me a shell bell, though. I equip it onto Hanuman. Sekhmet already has a quick claw. I also give Ninhursag a poison barb and Apsu a dread plate. I will probably find better items later.

The next building I recklessly enter is apparently a pokemon fan club. A nice lady there tells me that Khali is happy being with me. Of course she is. I let her psybeam chumps. The "chairman" of the club seems a bit touched. However, he does give me a free poffin case. He wants me to feed poffins to my pokemon. Whatever. A hiker asks me if I want a pokemon egg that came from the Solaceon Town. I say that I do, but apparently I cannot hold the egg while also holding six pokemon. The egg takes up a slot for some reason. I deposit Articuno (my insurance, but everything has been so weak lately that I'm feeling quite safe as it is) then head back to the man and accept the egg.

He says that if I carry the egg along with energetic pokemon, it will hatch. Whatever. For no discernable reason, two men block the gate. I find another entrance to Amity Square. Someone is complaining that they will not let his Gyarados and Steelix in. I sympathize. It is unjust. Well, the only place left to go is the gate to the south, which leads to Route 212. Some people inside are talking about contests. I will be glad to get away from this infernal city. A news crew, most likely from Jubilife TV, blocks the end of the gate.

Suddenly I realize what is going on. The people blocking my paths are too conveniently placed. This world wants me to do something in Hearthome City before I can continue. Curse you, Hearthome City. My heart was forged in a dying star. I enter the poffin house, but there's nothing there except a giant blender that is, undoubtedly, used to make poffins. I get a sinking feeling. It's the contest hall, isn't it? I have to do something at the contest hall before I can leave Hearthome City. That's it, isn't it? Maybe not. Maybe it's Amity Square? Driflloon was on the approved list, so I run back to the Poke Center and swap Khali for Nyx.

Amity Square is one big park. Nyx seems very happy to be here. If only they would allow me to take my other pokemon for walks here. I am finding TM's lying around for some reason. Nyx finds a yellow feather and as soon as I see it I shove it into the fashion case against my will. Another trainer here also has a Drifloon. A fellow ghost fan? For some reason, there are some unlikely ruins on one end of the park, and I find some more items there.

Despite finding some nice loot, Amity Square can not rid me of the people blocking my paths. I leave, and a reporter from Jubilife TV interviews me about my experience. I say that I am disappointed. So it's to be the contest hall, then. Someone is blocking my path. Someone with a unique and very prominent hairstyle. She apologizes for getting in my way, asking if I am entering a contest. She reveals that she is Fantina, leader of the gym in this city. I see. She says that I must become stonger before facing her, then walks off. That guy was right. She really is chicken. And the people blocking my paths still block my paths. I had better try the contest hall. Maybe I can get out of this without participating in or even seeing one of those stupid exhibitions.

As soon as I step into the contest hall, Keira sees me. She exclaims, "Oh! My hero!" Not normally a problem, but Mom is standing right next to her. Now she's going to think I actually like contests. Of all the times to step into this accursed hall, I have to pick one when she is right in front of the entrance. Keira is surprised at this revelation...

"What! No! Really?! Johanna is your mom?"

Uh, yes. I totally knew her name was Johanna the whole time. Never forgot about that for a minute. No crazy person to see here. Just your average boy. You can bet that I sure did know her name was Johanna and that this was not new to me at all.

"So you might be a Contest star?!"

Well, no. You see, in order to become a contest star, one must actually compete in, uh, contests. Not going to happen. I am a pokemon trainer, not a pokemon coordinator or whatever you losers call yourselves. I catch pokemon. I battle pokemon. I name them after forgotten gods. Sometimes I pass out and trade them, apparently. I store them in a computer. I walk around with them in parks. But the one thing I never, ever do is enter them in contests. I just want to be clear on that.

Fortunately, Mom seems aware of my distaste for this stuff. She seems to doubt that I will be a "contest star." Good. Keira insists on giving me some stupid accessory for "saving" her Buneary (the one I was about to rock smash because it got in my way). Then encourages me to try contests. Not going to happen. Mom remains behind to talk to me. Am I in trouble?

"Were you surprised to see me here, Master? I got bored, so I came out to Hearthome for a little vacation. I'm just as surprised to see you here, my dear! But are you serious about entering Contests?"

No. A thousand times, no. Well, yes about being surprised to see you here. I didn't expect you to leave the television set alone. But no about entering contests.

"Not dressed that way!"

Not dressed any way!

"When your Pokemon is all dressed up, you can't be dressed your usual way. Put this on for a little glamour."

Whatever it is, I am most assuredly not wearing it.

"I'm sure it will look good on you. After all, I chose it. Go enjoy the Contests, honey! Contests will give you a different look at the many charms of Pokemon. It should be an eye-opening experience for you. Bye now!"

This terrible ordeal gives me an idea, though. I will demand that the people blocking the roads let me pass, stating that I am the son of Johanna. They might fall for it. Who knows? Before I get to them, Slave dashes at me on the street. I expect he will want to battle me. And I left Articuno in the PC! Oh well, let's do this...

He leads with Starly. I lead with Khali and have her use confuse ray. The Starly hurts himself pretty badly from the confuse ray. A psybeam finishes it off.

He brings in Prinplup. That's the evolved form of his Piplup, I'm sure. I switch to Sekhmet and have her attack with spark. Prinplup hits back with bubble. Sekhmet clearly has the advantage in this. Another spark and Prinplup is down. Sekhmet gains a level and learns roar too.

He brings in Roselia while I switch to Hanuman. Flame wheel takes Roselia out in one hit. Easy.

He brings in Ponyta while I switch to Apsu. Slave, I have you outclassed in this whole battling thing. Maybe you should try contests. Oh man, I need to remember to hit him with that one after I win this battle. His Ponyta tail whips Apsu a couple of times and bite ends the battle. Slave is upset...

"Waaaagh! You KO'd my team again?! This messes up my dreams of becoming the greatest Trainer ever...No! I just need to get tougher and keep winning. One day...That's it! I'm going to challenge the Veilstone Gym next! See you around, Master! You'll be blown away by how much tougher I'll be next time we meet!"

Now I feel too bad to use the contest line. He is so emotionally involved in battling. I can tell that he cares about this a lot. Still, I am obviously a lot better than him at it. I mean, none of my pokemon were even threatened. Only one of my team took damage at all and I am not even using all of my strongest pokemon here.

The guys blocking my path east are gone now. Maybe they heard Mom was in town. Or maybe my battle with Slave scared them off. But they're gone. I set out on the road to Solaceon Town. I try to, anyway. As soon as I leave the gate a pokemon breeder accosts me and battles me with Bonsly, Budew, and Pichu. They get psybeam, bite, and bite respectively. My hunger for victory not yet fully quenched, I approach a fisherman standing on a dock along the river. He turns out not to be a trainer, but he does give me a "good rod." And the next person I meet isn't a trainer either. He's just a jogger. Still, there are bound to be some trainers for me to crush somewhere around here. So I set out for parts unknown. Actually, they are known: I checked the map and I'm approaching Solaceon Town.